Boots

Tomorrow morning will be a week since Boots walked out the front door as if she knew exactly where she was going. I'd made an appointment two days earlier to have the tiny Calico put to a final rest.

I will never know how she knew, and most likely never know where she went or what happened to her.

My worry is less. There is inside me is an uneasy surrender. Boots wanted to end it on her terms. A part of humanity envys the integrity to walk outside a front door, with no fan fare, no lines of cars with their lights on. No flowers or hymns. Just the right to walk away and never having to apologize.

A couple of days earlier, I rested my head next to her skeletol frame. I tickled under her chin and looked into her eyes. She was everyone's sweet heart. Now she looked as if she were only half-here.

"Boots Baby, it okay. You can rest for good." Inside her came a quite yet steady purr. She was so frail, so tired..

Tomorrow morning i will relive watching her leave. A spring to her hobbled walk. Her sunken, golden yellow eyes staring into the obvious for her. There was a voice inside me, it's just that I didn't want to listen. At yet after 15 years, you get to know all about the life you share time with. On a level I can only recognize now, she knew I knew and Boots probably wanted to picked up a final time and give away one of her patented hugs where she'll rub her head up and down on the back of my ear, her purrs loud for such a little thing.

She knew i wasn't ready to say goodbye. Right now, I don't know if I will ever be ready to say goodbye. She knew more about me than I will ever catch on. Kinda pisses me off. So many ways to love her more than I could have and now she's never going to walk through our front door again. Say the final goodbyes, just fucking hard.

ken